While the variety of virused posts is admittedly a change of pace, I'd rather know for certain what my friends on here could be afflicted by so I would know how much to worry. Since that reassurance isn't available right now - everyone? Could you at least tell me if you're in any immediate danger? Most viruses aren't harmful, but there have to be some in the history of the community that have been...

As for me, I don't seem to be affected. Nothing of more interest than drawing water from the well with Kuzuki-nii happened today, and even the memory-altering viruses are interesting. That's something to be grateful for.

((Issei's affected by the 'what if?' virus - more specifically, what if Kuzuki and Caster had survived the war. Possessed!Issei will come after too many questions get asked, and his/her/its? intro will be in a separate post.))

[Issei is scowling at the camera. Any fearsome effect this might have had is nullified by the fact that a) he's blushing and b) he's wearing a schoolgirl outfit. Including a skirt. (No, I don't have a better reference picture.)]

Nakamori. Could you please come get your clothes? They're much more suited for you than for me, and I... don't seem to be able to remove them myself. [Any minute, he might start flailing, but right now his tone is just one of exasperation.] I expect the community has something to do with this, unless someone enjoys changing people's clothes while they sleep.

Well, we all knew I was going to do this sometime.

( Long discussion of my plans for the virus, as well as where you come in. )

To: kaitoukidforever@mail.yahoo.co.jp
From: ryudoji@mail.yahoo.co.jp
Subject: Photographs

Dear Kaitou Kid Fanclub:

I should have expected this, what with the way misinformation travels around here, but I was hoping you still had some sense.

First of all, those pictures you have in your possession. Notice the hair color? Notice how it isn't Kid's hair color? It's a costume party. Unless Kid would be one to have such a shoddy costume as merely a different hair color, you have to accept that it's someone else dressed up as him. I should know, because it's me.

This means that you do not have pictures of Kid fraternizing with Hakuba and Shirogane fraternizing. You have pictures of a fan in costume fraternizing with the detectives. Therefore, stop claiming to have proof of - of relations between them. Kid wasn't even there! And I don't have relations with them either, and I was the one actually in those photographs!

In conclusion, the next person who says Kid did anything remotely resembling romantic at that party is wrong on so many levels, and I will find them and hunt them down. It's the least I can do for contributing to this mess.

-Ryudo Issei

((Of course the Gossip Girl story and the photos get back to the fanclub. Of course.))

Shirou called.

I hate viruses.

Really, Shirou, if you're home for the week, you should at least answer the door. [Issei sounds about as calm as normal, if a tad annoyed.] I told you I was coming over, so you have no excuse. Ah, well, it's for reasons like this that I have a key.

[The sound of footseps.] Not in the living room... He's probably in the shed and couldn't hear me, I suppose. [More of Issei's footsteps.]

It's locked. Shirou, are you in there? [A moment's pause.] No answer. Maybe he's out w-

Isn't that blood?

[There's a few loud blunt sounds, like someone throwing themselves bodily at a door, then a loud crash.]

Shirou?! Please be okay, please be okay, this isn't allowed to happen, that sort of thing can't happen if I'm here, you have to be okay, please- Why, why aren't you breathing, you can't not be breathing, I have to protect you, I won't forgive you if you don't start breathing this instant! Are you listening?! I'm telling you to start recovering! Please, please, please-

How could I let such a thing... I wasn't here fast enough. I won't forgive myself for not able to protect you.

((Issei's worst fear is being unable to protect a friend. And before anyone asks, the dead body is a virus-induced illusion - I won't really kill off Shirou as an NPC.))

Would someone please interrogate me so that we may find out if this time I have my actual memories? Please? [Issei sighs.] This is getting tiresome.

N-not that I'm saying being married to him was bad! I mean, of all the people I could be married to of course I'd most like to marry him. But, but I don't mean that I intend to get married right away either! B-but eventually, probably-

I'm going to stop talking now.

Um, Haruto? Would you mind terribly if I stopped telling people that we were married? It's a bit difficult to explain why it's not on our records or how it was at all legal, since I can't tell random strangers about other worlds, but I didn't want to offend you by not mentioning it when they asked.

Anyway, I'll see you when you wake up unless I'm making breakfast at the time. In that case, I suppose you'll read this first.

EDIT: Well, this appears to be public, and there's no use removing it now. So I'll just take this opportunity to apologize for forgetting all of you. It wasn't intentional, I wasn't joking around, and if I hurt you inadvertently through any callousness, please forgive me.

((...Issei needs to stop getting fake memories, seriously.))

So apparently, Issei had a boyfriend. And a bunch of other friends besides that.

Which was bizarre and Issei wasn't entirely sure that he believed it just yet. He didn't recall any recent head trauma, and he certainly hadn't been magically tampered with, since that sort of thing was impossible. On the other hand, all of those people were unlikely to lie to him about such things. What would be the point?

As Issei paced around near the bottom of the steps to the temple, he thought about how the person claiming to be his boyfriend was coming over, and how that was seeming like an extremely bad idea. He barely knew what to do with a friend! A boyfriend? It wasn't possible that he'd make it through this meeting alive.

But he did want to see this letter he'd written, since any material evidence would be helpful for his state of mind. And Haruto seemed... nice?

No, he really wasn't making it through alive. It would probably be best to start praying before his inevitable death through embarrassment.

☸ - Issei loves you utterly and completely, no question about it.
☸ - He has a crush on you, or a kind-of-crush, or at least thinks you're attractive.
☸ - You are his BFF. Seriously, F.
☸ - You're friends with him, although you could be a bit closer.
☸ - Acquaintances who've had a couple to several conversations with him. He wants to know you more.
☸ - Acquaintances who've only had one conversation with him. He may think positively on you, or have no real opinion.
☸ - He dislikes you, or is scared of you. Or both.
☸ - Either he really, truly hates you, or you're Tohsaka.

Sorted alphabetically within each level. In progress: all/more explanations to be added. Last update on 11/22/09.

( Yes, I did list everyone who's ever spoken to him not-anon. )

As usual, if you comment, I'll try to get your character's explanation up as soon as possible.

Comment with a 5 + 1 list and I'll write a drabble about it! Include the name of the characters, the ship (if applicable), and a general rating to go along with it.

Example: 5 times so-and-so called Issei cute, and one time he called them cute.

Characters: ...uh, just Issei/ewwgirls.

[The video clicks on to show a rabbit apparently sitting at Issei's desk, ears drooped. Most rabbits aren't that shade of blue, however, and certainly none in Issei's world are. It lets out a soft little whimper.]

I can't even apologize to Haruto like this...

[Oh, hey, subtitles. That's helpful, especially considering that rabbits don't say much. Wasn't there someone else turned into an animal lately who received subtitles? Wonder if the causes could be related.]

Hakuba, Koizumi. I was thinking that it's been a while since we've been able to go out together, just the three of us. What do you say about a date this afternoon?

((This post is basically an excuse to let people go 'WTF' at Issei being affected by the OT3 virus.))

...

Could I have my normal clothes back now, please? This isn't funny.

((In all icons, Issei appears to be wearing this. Background roses not included.))

This isn't really a 20 facts thing - I hope I don't have twenty questions that need explaining - more like a FAQ for stuff that comes up often.

( The truth about Ryudo Issei, or at least my interpretation of a minor character. )

If anyone has any more questions, I can go ahead and add them to the list~ And should I pin this?

I... kissed Haruto.

And he kissed back.

...And it was really, really nice.

Does everyone feel this giddy afterward?

((Reference thread, made canon by agreement.))

[The video shows a handsome young man, probably in his early twenties, kneeling on the ground watering some flowers. He's wearing glasses, and black robes that most Japanese characters will recognize as the ones that Buddhist monks of the region wear. He also has a shaved head, although some blue hair is beginning to grow back.

It continues to show him gardening for a while (in case you ever wanted to see him kneeling in the dirt) before cutting out. There's apparently not much point to this, other than showing that a) Issei grows up well and b) he's really going to shave his head.]

Issei paced around near the bottom of the steps to the temple.

The first two times had gone well, so this time would do well, wouldn't it? Well, it could be said that the second time hadn't gone so well with the kissing-on-the-cheek and freezing-up, and then after that there'd been that large strain in their relationship courtesy of his tasks-

Still! No reason to panic! If he had confidence in himself, he could make sure Haruto enjoyed himself, and that was all that really mattered.

...was it strange that they'd been dating for over two months and this was only their third date?

Hopefully this would go better than Vanessa's last visit.

Issei sat on the top step of the ones leading up to the temple. Let's see, he'd confirmed that Vanessa would be dressed appropriately, he'd warned the other monks that a woman would be having tea with him, and he'd steeled himself for being teased nigh-constantly during the visit. Unless he was forgetting something, he was ready to receive his guest.